Betrayal and Commitment
by LuvFlorence
Summary: Sacrificing his happiness for a daughter he never knew left Mark with nothing but an empty apartment he can’t go home to and a 3 day old baby he has no idea how to look after, can he let go of his pride and accept help from the one person who hurt him.
1. Bye, bye daddy

**Author's note: **_it's just me doing a little bit of editing, after rereading the chapters I've written I decided to combine chapter 1 and 2 together so that's all this is. Hopefully I'll have an update for the story by tomorrow or Friday at the latest. _

* * *

**Bye, bye daddy**

"Where the hell is Derek?" Lexie questioned Meredith frankly with an edge of frustration in the tone of her voice. Bailey had ordered her to track Derek down for a consult but the man seemed to be hell bent on avoiding her.

"He should be in the NICU ward with Mark" Meredith answered without thinking since she was distracted by the pile of charts sitting in front of her.

"Wait a minute what?" Lexie asked nervously as the panic began to set in.

It had been months since their confrontation in front of the hospital entrance where they had admitted to their indiscretions. When Mark had told Lexie that he couldn't look at her he had meant it…4 months later and Mark had still barely spoken a word to Lexie unless it was work related.

It was killing Lexie because she missed him in every conceivable way possible and that only made this whole mess ten times worse. She missed living with Mark and waking up every morning to see him lying next to her but now…now Lexie woke up every morning to an empty bed.

She missed him and Lexie had even considered claiming defeat, to throw her hands up in the air and say screw it…to tell Mark that she chose love over surgery but she couldn't. Her pride kept getting in the way because Mark had made it clear he was over her and Lexie refused to grovel.

"The baby went in to distress or something like that so they had to perform an emergency c-section" Meredith answered.

"Well is the baby okay…is Sloan okay, how's Mark handling things?" Lexie threw a barrage of questions in Meredith's direction frantically because all she could think about was Mark and how overwhelmed he was probably feeling.

"Lexie I don't know" Meredith answered with a tight voice as she tried to keep her frustration under check, "if you want to know what's going on then head up to NICU and talk to Derek…or better yet try talking to _Mark_" she suggested sarcastically.

Lexie scowled at Meredith and her dig at Lexie and Mark's non-verbal agreement not to talk to one another, it was driving Meredith crazy.

"You know that I can't talk to Mark…the man care barely stand to even look at me, not to mention the fact that he keeps passing me off to other Attendings whenever Bailey assigns me to his services, so the last thing I'm going to do is try and talk to Mark when he's probably going through hell right now" Lexie ranted in one huge sentence without even taking a breath.

"Fine whatever" Meredith conceded disinterestedly. Deciding she'd had enough of this conversation she collected her charts and began to walk away only to stop in her tracks.

Meredith knew that the easier option was to just walk away and leave Lexie to deal with her own problems but she couldn't…she couldn't walk away because it was like looking into a mirror. All the mistakes she had made with Derek, all the running and hiding she had done to try and avoid commitment, Lexie was repeating and the sister inside of her couldn't let Lexie walk away.

"I don't know if you noticed but over the last few months I've been trying to keep my distance…trying not to but in and add my two cents when it comes to your relationship with Mark…"

"Meredith" Lexie interrupted her with a pleading look because she couldn't stand another lecture; she had gotten enough of those from Derek and Callie. For some reason the two of them had decided to make it their personal mission to lecture Lexie to death…or at least into submission, and finally agree to talk to Mark.

"Just let me finish" Meredith ordered before taking a deep breath because this was new to her, handing out sisterly advice isn't something she ever pictured herself doing.

"Don't quit" she declared as the memory of that night in front of Derek's trailer came flooding back. "If there is one piece of advice that I am ever going to give you then it's don't quit because you _will _regret it. I wrote the book on quitting…on running, hiding, I've written a lot of books" Meredith stated as Derek's words came spilling out of her mouth.

"There was a time when I was incapable of anything that resembled commitment and yet here I am…nearly a year later I'm happily married and in a stable relationship, I stoped running" she announced with a proud smile on her face.

"Meredith I'm happy for you, I really am but you and Derek are completely different to me and Mark…you never had to deal with an 18 year old pregnant daughter showing up out of the blue…"

"No" Meredith agreed sarcastically, "I only had to deal with his _wife, _and becoming the dirty mistress" she reminded Lexie with a mocking smile.

Shaking her head Lexie gave Meredith a tired smile, "we Grey girls really know how to pick the men we fall in love with huh?"

Nodding her head in agreement Meredith smiled fondly as she reminisced over all the hoops she had to jump through to get to where she was in her life with Derek...and if she had to do it all over again she would because he was worth it.

"Commitments are complicated and the commitment that Mark was asking you to make…the Sloan and the baby commitment was a _huge_ ask for him to make. But sometimes we have to learn the hard way that true commitment takes effort, even some sacrifice, but if you really do love him then it's worth it" Meredith vowed.

"I thought you're supposed to be Switzerland?" Lexie questioned her defensively.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "I am Switzerland, I'm a neutral country but this isn't about taking sides" she argued back, "this is about fixing what's been broken…fixing what you _and_ Mark broke".

"Are you saying that this is all my fault?" Lexie asked with a low growl to it because she couldn't believe Meredith was taking sides.

Shaking her head disbelievingly at the way Lexie was behaving Meredith chose to ignore her sister's question and to keep going with her argument.

"What I'm saying is don't quit, or run, or hide from Mark and how you feel about him…don't be me because if you do you'll end up regretting it" Meredith preached with so much conviction she knew that it would be impossible for Lexie to ignore her.

Trying to look at anything but Meredith Lexie searched for an exit strategy…anything that would give her an excuse to run because she couldn't handle dealing with the weight of Meredith's words.

"I um, I have to go and…I just have to go" Lexie declared softly before making a quick run for it without so much as a second glance at Meredith.

* * *

"So does he have a name yet or are we sticking to little Sloan" Derek teased as he leant forward to take a peek at the sleeping baby.

"Do you want me to kill you right here or would you rather wait until we're away from any witnesses so they don't see how you went down without a fight?" Mark retorted with a playful smirk on his face.

Sighing in relief Mark stretched out all the aches and pains that were running up and down his body from sitting in a hospital chair for too long. "You know as the new Chief you could do something about these chairs…I can't believe we actually make people sit in these things, it should be illegal".

Smiling at Mark's change in mood Derek finally looked away from the baby encased inside the plastic incubator and took in the appearance of his formerly fun and free living best friend.

The signs of all the stress and all the anger were clearly etched on to Mark's face and Derek could have sworn that he'd had less grey hairs before Sloan made her appearance.

"How are you holding up?" Derek asked Mark seriously. He could see that Mark was struggling to juggle a pregnant 18 year old daughter and being the head of Plastics, while in the mean time trying to find a moment alone to really let himself process his break up with Lexie.

Derek wasn't blind and neither was Callie. They could both see how miserable Mark and Lexie were since the 'I slept with such and such' debacle, but Mark's stubbornness and Lexie's fear of rejection kept getting in the way.

It would almost be comical to Derek if he didn't know from first hand experience how Mark felt because he did…the longing look on his face that he'd give Lexie whenever he thought no one was watching was the same look he used to give Meredith. Derek knew exactly how Mark was feeling, but he also knew that for Mark the pain was probably ten times worse because Lexie was the only woman he had ever truly loved.

Unable to take it anymore Derek and Callie had taken it upon themselves to try and talk to the two of them…to convince them to at least utter a syllable to one another but they both refused. Mark kept proclaiming that he was done with Lexie; that he had more important things on his hands than to worry about a preschooler but Derek could see right through it.

And Lexie wasn't any better, she refused to talk to Mark unless it was work related because Mark had made his feelings clear and she refused to keep pouring salt into her wounds.

"I'm fine, good, great…"

"Are you gonna keep listing every adjective to describe the word fine until you finally believe it for yourself or just until I leave you alone?" Derek asked with a grim look on his face.

"Don't look at me like that" Mark whined, shaking his head in annoyance because he never could get anything past Derek.

"Then tell me how to look at you Mark" Derek pleaded with the man desperately, "please tell me how to look at you because right now I don't even recognise the man sitting in front of me…"

"I grew up Derek; I have a daughter and a grandson who need me. You can't expect me to be the same guy from med school…"

"No I'm not expecting you to be that guy…hell I don't even want that guy" Derek interrupted, "what I want is the old new Mark to come back. I want the best friend who was happy and healthy while living with the woman he loved, you've become a person I don't even recognise. I want the old new Mark back; can I get the old new Mark back?" Derek pleaded with him.

"He doesn't exist anymore" Mark growled before storming out of the room, he didn't want to get into a yelling match with Derek in the same room as his sick grandson.

"I don't believe that" Derek contended confidently as he watched Mark pace up and down the hallway like a caged animal.

"Well you better believe it Derek and you better get used to the new Mark because this is all I have left…I'm all tapped out" Mark exclaimed throwing his hands up in the air.

After months of trying to avoid his feelings or dealing with everything that had happened it was all finally starting to catch up to him. Mark felt like he was about to explode and he knew that all it would take was _one _wrong word…something that Derek seemed hell bent on testing out.

"Between girlfriends and daughters and grandbabies I have nothing left to give. I gave it all to Lexie and that…even that wasn't enough" Mark reflected.

"But it could be" Derek countered. "Mark it could be enough and you _could_ be happy again if you stopped with this whole self-righteous act" he advised his best friend hesitantly.

"Excuse me?" Mark questioned with a tight voice. He was trying to keep his anger in check but having Derek blame him for the way things went down with Lexie wasn't helping.

"You're punishing Lexie for sleeping with Karev when you were in L.A. doing the exact same thing with Addison…"

"She broke up with me…she dumped me because I was ready to step up and be a father to Sloan…" Mark started to argue the same speech he usually gave but stopped when Derek started to shake his head, "what?"

"Did you ever ask?" Derek asked him bluntly.

"What the hell does that mean?"

Derek gave Mark a sympathetic smile because while on the outside he looked like he had it all together on the inside he didn't…on the inside he didn't really get it and there in lies the problem.

"I mean did you ever stop to think about what Lexie wanted…in the whole time that you invited Sloan to live in your apartment and offered to help her raise the baby did you stop to think about what Lexie would want?" Derek asked him seriously.

Mark opened his mouth, ready with a rebuttal to Derek's question but stoped. For the first time in the last few months Mark was finally forced to stop and think about what happened in detail, it was in that moment he realised when it had all started to come undone.

"No" Mark answered honestly, "I…I just assumed that Lexie would go along with it all because that's what you do, you support the people you love".

"But did you respect her enough to take a minute and talk to her, to ask her what she was thinking and feeling about suddenly having to share you with a teenager?"

Rubbing the back of his neck Mark let out a guttural groan of frustration, "if you're trying to make me feel bad its working you know that right?"

"This isn't about trying to make you feel bad Mark" Derek swore, "it's about trying to get it through your thick skull that if you keep going like this…if you keep punishing Lexie for what she did then pretty soon she's going to stop caring about you and you'll be giving her a reason to walk away".

"Some betrayals are too deep to repair what was lost" Mark whispered softly while his eyes concentrated on a patch of the floor, he couldn't bring himself to look Derek in the eye and see the disappointment.

Derek shook his head in disbelief as his sympathy and understanding quickly turned into anger and frustration, "you know what I'm starting to get a bit fed up with this whole sanctimonious act you've got going on Mark. If you recall you've done some pretty crappy things in your past…"

"Oh here we go; here comes the Addison card because it's the only note you can ever play…"

"No Mark, I'm not playing the Addison card because I'm still holding a grudge…just for the record I've moved on, I've forgiven you and that's my _point_" Derek exclaimed. "So before you start throwing stones and condemning Lexie you better remember that a lot of people forgave you when they had every reason to turn their back on you but they didn't….they forgave you because it's what you do" he argued.

"Mark when you love someone you forgive them for their mistakes because love isn't supposed to come with terms and conditions, love is meant to be unconditional. So if you love Lexie…"

"What if I'm not in love with Lexie, what if I never loved her?" Mark asked bluntly while trying to ignore the stabbing sensation he felt in his chest as he uttered those words. He knew that he was lying and felt like he was betraying Lexie just by saying those words out loud but he couldn't stop it, his mouth and his mind no longer seemed to be communicating.

"Dr. Shepherd" Lexie called out with a tone of voice which was so professional that a complete stranger would be clueless to the fact that Lexie knew both these men on a personal level.

"Dr. Grey" Derek answered her hesitantly. Lexie had just appeared out of no where and now neither of them knew how much Lexie had heard of their conversation.

"Dr. Bailey asked me to page you, a patient was brought into the E.R. with multiple head wounds" Lexie told him looking straight past Mark as though he wasn't even standing there.

Mark could feel his heart pounding against his chest in fear that Lexie had heard the last few words he had uttered. It seemed to be a habit these days, him saying horrible things to her that he later regretted.

He was afraid to turn around and look at Lexie in fear of seeing that heart broken look on her face that he was so used to seeing on women's faces. Despite everything, despite all his protesting and avoidance the last thing Mark wanted was to ever hurt Lexie…but she had hurt him and that pain was also still there.

"I'm coming Dr. Grey" Derek reassured her, walking past Mark he stoped to clap him on the back, "just think about what I said…before it's too late" he pleaded before walking up to Lexie.

"How much of that did you hear?" Derek asked in a soft whisper so Mark couldn't hear.

"I have no idea what you're talking about Dr. Shepherd" Lexie answered with a blank look and an emotionless tone before walking away.

"Mark" Sloan called out from down the hallway.

"Sloan what are you doing out of bed?" Mark asked, pushing Lexie out of his mind as the paternal side of him kicked in.

Giving Mark a half-smile Sloan inched towards him as an orderly pushed her wheelchair, "that little short surgeon that all the men around here seem to be scared of discharged me" she answered.

"That's great" Mark sighed in relief, "why don't we go inside and see your son" he suggested with a proud smile while signalling the orderly that he'd take over.

"No" Sloan quickly cried out in a panic as Mark began to push her towards the room.

Mark stoped pushing the wheelchair and knelt down beside his daughter, "Sloan its okay…I know that you're scared to see how tiny he is with all the tubes sticking out of him but it'll be okay".

"He doesn't have a dad" Sloan declared, "all he's got is a stupid slutty mom and I don't know how to take care of a baby…"

"Sloan" Mark called out soothingly in the hopes of calming her down. As a surgeon and a doctor Mark knew that becoming hysterical wouldn't be helping Sloan.

"None of you get it" Sloan exclaimed in frustration, "you all think that by saying there, there Sloan it's going to be okay and patting me on the shoulder that everything's going to be alright but it's not".

Mark opened his mouth to say something but quickly closed it because he could see that Sloan had a lot to get off her chest and needed somebody to just listen…to not contradict everything she was thinking or feeling.

So instead he nodded his head in understanding and gently squeezed Sloan's hand comfortingly to encourage her to keep going.

"It's not okay…none of this is okay" Sloan cried finally letting out all the tears she'd been holding back over the last few months. Pulling her hand away from Mark she continued to cry while her fingers mindlessly picked at the fabric of her sleeves.

"I wanna go home" she sobbed, "I wanna go back to New York and live with my mom again…I wanna be a normal 18 year old kid, not some slutty teenage mom. I'm doing this alone and I don't know a thing about raising a baby and I hate it…I wanna go back, I just wanna go back" Sloan broke down.

Watching Sloan cry helplessly at the mess her life was in helped to pick away at the idea Mark had of the girl. Suddenly for the first time he could see the scared and lonely teenage kid that Sloan had buried somewhere deep down inside of her.

"Sloan I couldn't possibly even begin to imagine what you're going through but we're going to get through this…we're going to make this work" Mark vowed with an air of confidence and determination because he refused to let his daughter down.

Wiping the tears away Sloan shook her head, "this morning I called mom and she's going to catch a flight to Seattle…"

"I thought Sam didn't want anything to do with the baby?" Mark questioned her hesitantly. He was getting a gut feeling that he wouldn't like what he was about to hear.

"She doesn't that's why she's meeting me at the airport and we're going to catch a flight back to New York" Sloan answered sheepishly while looking down because she couldn't look him in the eye.

Standin up straight Mark took a few steps back in disbelief, "what about the baby?"

"I also spoke to a social worker this morning. She said that I have options; that I can either go through with a closed or open adoption or…" she trailed because she wasn't sure how Mark would react to this next part.

"Or what?" he asked with a tone that had a hint of bitterness to it.

"Or you could take him" Sloan suggested with a pleading look in her eyes, "I mean since you're the baby's biological grandfather the social worker said that there would be no contest to your application to adopt him" she stammered.

"So that's it?" Mark asked in disbelief, "you're just going to walk away from your son and expect _me _to raise him on my own".

"I can't do this" Sloan cried, "I can't raise this baby on my own just to make you happy Mark. If I did that I'd only end up resenting you and I don't want to hate you…not after everything you've done for me".

"Well it would have been nice of you to decide this _before _I threw away my relationship with Lexie…before I walked away from the woman I love so I could help you" Mark exclaimed.

"Who the hell asked you to" Sloan yelled back.

"You" Mark answered her scream with an even higher scream, "you asked me to choose between you and Lexie the second you decided to tell me that you were pregnant because it's what you do…as a parent it's what you do. You make sacrifices for your children, and when it comes down to a choice between the person you love and your child you're always supposed to pick the child" he yelled.

He couldn't believe she was doing. He couldn't believe that his daughter was walking away when her son needed his mother the most or that she was walking away _after_ his relationship with Lexie had gone down in flames.

"Dr. Sloan you should know better than anybody that this is a hospital so please keep your voice down" a nurse from the NICU ward scolded the two of them before going back inside.

Letting out a sigh Sloan shook her head, "look I don't want to fight with you and I sure as hell don't want you to hate me Mark and I'm sorry for turning your life upside down and for ruining your relationship with Lexie. But you can't force somebody to be a parent and right now I'm not ready to be a parent".

"Sloan he needs a mother" Mark argued hopelessly because he could see in her eyes that she had already made up her mind.

"And he'll have one" she reassured her father confidently, "I know that it might not seem like it now but Lexie will come around…that's if you're willing to take him" she added hesitantly.

Mark shook his head, "you screw up, make a mistake and now you're expecting me and Lexie to fix this…not to mention the fact that Lexie _doesn't _want a kid. It's the reason we broke up Sloan, she wasn't ready for a baby".

"She will be ready" Sloan promised him, taking that as Mark's confirmation that he was going to take on the responsibility as being the sole custodian of her son. "I'm sorry Mark, I'm really sorry and I hope that one day…well that one day you and Asher will be able to forgive me for leaving, I really am sorry _dad_" Sloan apologised with an emphasis on the word dad.

"Asher?" Mark asked.

"If you don't like it you can change it, but it's the name that I'd always had in the back of my mind" Sloan admitted.

"Asher Riley" Mark tested the name out loud and it didn't sound too bad.

"Actually Asher Riley Sloan if that's ok with you" Sloan corrected her father as the orderly began to push her way. She looked over her shoulder to see Mark standing in the middle of the hallway hopelessly; "I'll call you when I land in New York and the social worker will get in contact with you tomorrow morning" she called out.

Running his hands through his hair Mark shook his head because he couldn't handle this. Mark knew one thing for certain and that was that his pride and ego wouldn't allow him to ask anyone, let alone Lexie, for help.

* * *

"Wait" Sloan called out quietly to the orderly as he was about to push Sloan out of the entrance doors towards the waiting cab. "Lexie" she called out hoping to get the Residents attention because she was desperate to fix the mess she'd made between Lexie and her dad…she owed him that much.

"Sloan" Lexie answered in surprise; "what are you…"

"I'm leaving; I'm going back to New York" she interrupted Lexie.

"What about…"

"The baby?" Sloan finished for her. "Asher's gonna be staying with my dad and that's why I wanted to talk to you. I know that you said you weren't ready for all this…that you weren't ready to be a grandmother but he needs you, _Mark _needs you. I know that he doesn't show it but he misses you and he still loves you, he never stopped and I hope that the two of you can work things out" Sloan stated with a sad smile.

"So that's it, you're just leaving like this…you're just going to leave Mark to raise a baby on his own?" Lexie asked disbelievingly.

Sloan shook her head, "he won't be alone" she stated confidently, "he'll have his friends but more importantly he'll have _you_. He'll need you Lexie, Mark doesn't know how to raise a baby on his own but I know that you'll be there for him…for the _both _of them".

"Miss I really have to get back to work" the orderly interrupted their conversation.

Nodding her head Sloan looked at Lexie one last time, "I know that you said you weren't ready for any of this but you are" she stated surely. "You are ready for this and you'll be a better mom to Asher then I ever could be" Sloan told her before being wheeled away.

Frozen in her spot Lexie was trying to work out what just happened while watching on in shock as Sloan was helped into the cab and driven away from the hospital, from Seattle…but more importantly away from Mark.

* * *

Reviews are welcomed!


	2. It's the End of the World As We Know It

**It's the End of the World as We Know It.**

"Hey Meredith and Shepherd are working late tonight so we have the house to ourselves" Alex announced with a flirtatious smile.

Completely lost in her thoughts Lexie paid little attention to anything that Alex had said as she watched Mark stand out side the NICU ward talking to Teddy.

He didn't look the same; he didn't look like the Mark Sloan she fell in love with. Instead he looked older, sadder…like he had the world sitting on his shoulders and it killed Lexie knowing that she couldn't just walk right up to Mark and give him a hug or tell him that everything was going to be alright.

But Lexie couldn't do that because she no longer had the right to, and if she was honest with herself then she'd have to admit that the chances of Mark Sloan ever forgiving her were slim to none. If the rumours were right, and around Seattle Grace they usually were, that job now belonged to Teddy Altman and Lexie hated her for that.

At first Lexie refused to believe the rumours when word began to spread that Mark and Teddy were dating. But when she asked Callie about it the Ortho Attending said nothing and gave her a sympathetic smile which told her everything she needed to know…it wasn't a rumour.

And overhearing the conversation between Derek and Mark three days ago only helped to confirm it. The whole day seemed to be nothing but a blur, one minute she was tracking Derek down for a consult the next she finds out that Sloan had the baby and Mark potentially may never have been in love with her.

As she watched Mark let out a loud yawn and rub the back of his neck Lexie wondered how they got here, how they got to the point where breathing the same air in the same room for more than five minutes was merely impossible.

"Yo Lexipedia did you hear me" Alex called out waving his hand in front of her face to try and get her attention.

Snapping out of her thoughts Lexie looked at Alex in confusion, with a furrowed brow she tried to remember what he had just said but it was pointless and Alex knew it.

Looking back and forth between Mark and Lexie Alex let out a sigh. He knew that she was still in love with Sloan, just like he was still in love with Izzie, but that hadn't seemed to get in the way of their fun. They both needed to pretend that at least _one _person still cared about them, and while caught up in all the fun of having sex they could do just that.

But Alex was quickly beginning to realise that friends with benefit wasn't working anymore…at least not for Lexie. He had accepted the fact that his marriage was over and that Izzie wasn't coming back, but Lexie…Lexie seemed to be holding out hope and Alex wasn't sure how much longer he could compete with Mark Sloan.

"Sorry Alex I wasn't listening, what did you say?" Lexie asked with a forced smile but hoping that it looked genuine to the man she had been sharing a bed with on and off again for the past few months.

"I said that Meredith and Derek won't be home tonight so we've got the place to ourselves, I thought maybe we could grab some Chinese food and watch a movie and then…" Alex trailed suggestively.

It seemed to be their pattern lately. They'd hang out at Joe's, or around the house, and just talk or watch a movie until one of them made the first move or until they were both completely drunk…which ever one came first.

Personally Lexie preferred hanging around the house rather than Joe's because Joe's had too much meaning behind it. For starters it was way _too close_ to Mark's apartment which was a reminder of how happy she once was and not to mention that it was at Joe's that Mark had finally made the decision that she was worth sacrificing his friendship with Derek.

"Uh yeah that sounds…" Lexie trailed as she heard the sound of Mark's boisterous laugh, a laugh she would recognise from a mile away. Like always Lexie couldn't help but smile at seeing Mark laugh because as far as she was concerned there was nothing more alluring or sexier then a Mark Sloan laugh.

Standing idly by Alex watched on as Lexie continued to smile lovingly at Mark, and it wasn't the first time that he had caught her doing it. Usually Alex could write it off because he knew it wasn't going anywhere, he knew that as long as knocked up Sloan, as Alex put it, was still here then Mark and Lexie were done.

But that wasn't a problem anymore because she had taken off and now, now the only thing standing in their way was Mark's ego and a little baby. Watching Lexie smile broke Alex's heart, not because he was falling in love with her, but because it reminded him of Izzie, especially with the blond hair.

Seeing Lexie smile like that at Mark reminded Alex that it's been a while since anyone looked at him like that.

"Lexie" Alex called out, he was about to say something when the sound of pagers going off like crazy stoped him.

After checking to make sure that it wasn't her own pager Lexie furrowed her brow at the sight of Mark sprinting down the corridor towards O.R. 3, with Dr. Altman following right behind.

With a sad smile her eyes were trained on his every move until Mark disappeared around the corner, with him out of sight Lexie was finally able to give Alex her full attention.

Seeing at how heartbroken Lexie was Alex sighed in defeat, "I think whatever this is just ended" he declared with an air of remorse but inevitability.

He couldn't pretend anymore that what they were doing was alright because it wasn't. Lexie was in love with Mark and he was in love with Izzie, and they could wish all they want but it would never change.

"Alex…" Lexie trailed, she didn't know what else to say because she knew he was right. And if Lexie was honest with herself then she'd have to admit that this thing with Alex ended long before it even started. She was just too scared to pull the plug because Lexie couldn't handle being alone, she couldn't handle watching Mark go on with his life while she was stuck.

"No you know what its okay" Alex reassured her. "This was only a temporary thing until one of us got bored and it looks like the both of us could do with something new" he teased with one of his smiles that screamed jerk.

Lexie smiled faintly at Alex because she knew that while he said the word new what he really meant was _something old_. "I really am sorry" she apologised sincerely, "and I know that it's clichéd but I really do hope that we can still be friends".

Letting out a sigh he couldn't help but smile at her because only Lexie would still want to be friends with a man she's been sleeping with. Taking a step closer Alex kissed Lexie softly on the cheek, "friends" he held his hand out as a piece offering.

With a full blown smile spread across her face Lexie nodded her head, "friends" she agreed and shook his hand just as Alex's pager went off.

"Gotta run I'll see you later" Alex told her before running off in the opposite direction.

Left alone in the deserted corridor Lexie's feet seemed to have a mind of their own as they slowly drifted towards the doors of the NICU room. Lexie had that feeling in the pit of her stomach that told her nothing good could come of this, that if Mark saw her anywhere near his grandson he'd go berserk but she couldn't help it.

As she made her way through the doors all she could do was think of Sloan's parting words about her being a mom. Lexie wasn't ready to be a mom and even if she was after everything that's happened Mark would undoubtedly laugh in her face. Why would he pick her when Mark could have somebody like Addison of Teddy by his side, either women were both closer in age and they had both accomplished everything they had set out to do…they were in the same place as Mark was in his life whereas she was only just starting out.

Checking twice to make sure that the coast was clear Lexie inched closer towards the incubator so she could take a tiny peak at the newest member of the Sloan family. From the second she laid eyes on him her heart broke for this tiny little guy who would probably never get to know his mother or understand why she had left him.

It was irrational and Lexie knew that but watching him lie inside the enclosed capsule with tubes sticking out of his arm and nose made her sad, she could feel the tears begin to build up. She wasn't supposed to care about this little boy, she was supposed to resent him and his mother for destroying her relationship with Mark but as she made out the shallow breaths moving in and out of his tiny body Lexie realised Mark was all he had.

As her eyes roamed up and down his body to make sure that there were physical signs of any injuries the tears came streaming down her cheeks. He looked so much like Mark that it wasn't funny, he had the same lips, same cheeks and exactly the same nose…he could pass for being Mark's _son _let alone grandson.

With bated breath Lexie gently stuck her hand through the holes of the incubator and with her two fingers took ahold of his tiny hand. She paused and looked around in fear that someone, namely Mark, would walk in start yelling at her…telling her that she didn't belong there but no one came. Letting out a sigh of relief she wiped her eyes with her free hand and began to gently stroke the baby's hand.

"Hey there little fella, and what's your name?" Lexie asked in a soft whisper as she looked around the room until her eyes landed on a name tag sitting on top of incubator that read _Asher Riley Sloan_.

"So Asher's your name huh?" Lexie answered her own question with a faint smile. She recalled coming across a list of baby names Sloan had written down while Lexie was still living with Mark, the name Asher was at the top of the list written in capital letters with a circle drawn around it.

At the sound of Lexie's voice Asher stirred, shifting his head towards her but she couldn't see his eyes because they were tapped shut. Lexie couldn't help but smile because there was something about the name Asher that seemed right to her, he looked like an Asher and it definitely screamed Sloan's doing.

"So you're little Ash, well welcome to Seattle" she greeted him as a few stray tears trickled down.

She didn't understand _why _she was crying, she wasn't related to him and it wasn't as if he knew who she was. But there was something there, as she watched him lie there Lexie felt something pulling her towards him like she had this sudden need to protect him.

Lexie could finally understand why Mark was so desperate to take Ash in and to look after him; it all finally made sense because he and Mark were exactly the same…they were both born into a world where their own parents, the people who are supposed to love you, couldn't love them. Mark had never really had a family until Sloan came along, and suddenly she was offering him everything that Addison had taken away from him and Lexie finally understood.

She finally understood that Mark took Sloan in because he felt like it was his second chance at a family; it was his chance to have what his parents had refused to give him. But more importantly she understood that he had wanted that chance with _her_, he wanted to build a family with Lexie and she had slapped it in his face.

The thought that Lexie had caused Mark so much pain, that she had hurt him more than his own parents had caused her to cry even more. She had never meant to hurt Mark, she had never meant to toss him aside like he meant nothing because he _did _mean something…he meant more to her then anything else in this world. But she could understand now _why _sleeping with Alex was unforgiveable and that only made the self-loathing burry down even deeper inside of her.

Lexie was so consumed with her thoughts that she hadn't heard the door open and she jumped at the sound of her name being called out. Quickly letting go of Asher's hand she wiped her eyes dry and turned on her heel only to be greeted by a smiling nurse, Lexie sighed in relief that it wasn't Mark.

"I didn't mean to scare you Dr. Grey" the nurse apologised.

"Oh no it's alright, I really shouldn't be in here anyway" Lexie commented as she began walking back towards the door.

"You can stay a little longer" the nurse offered with a sweet smile as she went over Asher's chart.

With her hand on the door Lexie hesitated, she looked back and forth between the nurse who was preparing a syringe and Asher who was lying there all alone. That sudden need to be there for him and protect him was building its way back up but Lexie quickly pushed it back down.

She had no right to feel that way Lexie reminded herself, especially when she had told Mark that she wasn't ready for this…to go back on her word would only hurt and confuse Mark even more than he already was.

"Ho…how is he?" Lexie stuttered as she let go of the door handle and walked back over to the incubator.

"He has a slight fever and he still can't breathe on his own but for now he's stable" the nurse answered with a reassuring smile.

"And what is it that you're giving him?" Lexie asked pointing to the syringe that the nurse was inserting into one of the tubes connected to Asher's arm.

The nurse smiled fondly at how protective Lexie suddenly became over the sleeping baby, it was a refreshing sight to the usual one of Mark hanging around on his own.

"It's a course of antibiotics that Dr. Robbins ordered to fight off the fever, he's immune system isn't completely developed like most new born baby's so we have to make sure that fever doesn't get any worse" the nurse explained before pressing down on the syringe.

"You know it's refreshing" the nurse commented as she threw away the needle and scribbled some notes down on to the chart.

"What is?" Lexie asked but her eyes were glued on the baby the whole time.

"You" the nurse answered, she couldn't help but smile at the shocked look on Lexie's face.

"Excuse me?" Lexie squeaked.

"I just mean that it's nice to see that Dr. Sloan won't be doing it all on his own" the nurse commented. "Raising a baby is a hard job and baby's need both a mother and a father, but I'm sure between the two of you that you and Dr. Sloan won't have any problems with this little one" the nurse rambled on in complete oblivion to the real situation.

"We're not…I mean Dr. Sloan and I…" Lexie stumbled on her words as she tried to correct the nurse but she couldn't get the words out right. Taking a deep breath to steady her nerves Lexie managed to figure out what it was she wanted to say, and just as she opened her mouth to speak Mark walked right in.

"Good afternoon Dr. Sloan" the nurse greeted Mark a little too cheerfully for his liking, "I was just answering some of Dr. Grey's questions about baby Asher but I'll leave you two to it" she excused herself and left the room.

Turning her attention to Ash Lexie could feel holes being burnt into the back of her head where Mark was looking. She wanted to crawl into a rock or somewhere dark and die of humiliation because this wasn't part of plan, Lexie was supposed to be out of here before Mark got back.

Looking back and forth between his grandson and Lexie Mark could feel his heart thumping against his chest, the last thing he'd expected after scrubbing out of surgery was to find her in here. He didn't know what to say because the last conversation they'd had was the time he teased her about dying her hair blonde, something which had actually grown on him.

"I um, I should go" Lexie stuttered and with her head down made a dash for the door.

"Why did you even come here?" Mark called out as she was half way through the door. He was kicking himself for not just letting her leave and pretend like she was never there but he couldn't, Mark needed to know _why _Lexie was there while trying to ignore that small glimmer of hope flickering in the pit of his stomach.

"I uh, I was…" Lexie stuttered; she didn't know if she was supposed to go with the truth or lie through her teeth. Looking around the room for some sort of diversion the words came falling out of her mouth from the second her eyes landed on Asher, "he has your nose".

Folding his arms across his chest defensively, as if her needed to protect himself from Lexie, Mark watched on in silence as she inched closer towards his grandson. The closer Lexie got to Asher the quicker that flickering hope grew into a giant flame but shaking his head Mark tried to put out the flame, reminding himself that Lexie didn't want this…that she wasn't ready for a baby and it was the reason they broke up.

"He has my dad's nose…the Sloan nose" Mark commented without even thinking, just the fact that Lexie could tell they had the same nose meant she was paying attention…it meant that she had spent time with his grandson _willingly_.

Lexie let out a soft chuckle, "do they know…I mean have you spoken to your parents about him or about Sloan?"

Dropping his hands to his side Mark let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding in and made his way over to the other side of the incubator. "I haven't spoken to my parents in nearly 20 years. They already think of me as a disappointment, if they found out that they have a granddaughter and a great grandson all out of wedlock…I'd be an abomination to the Sloan name" Mark scoffed.

Lexie shook her head in disagreement, "there's nothing to be ashamed about when it comes to family. You're supposed to love your family no matter what…"

"Yeah well I think my parents skipped that class in parenting 101" Mark joked with a humourless laugh.

Watching Mark with a worried look Lexie could see all the anger and all the bitterness, some of which was her own doing.

"I talked to Sloan" she declared before her brain had time to work and stop her from saying anything, it seemed her mouth had decided that they were going with the truth.

"Uh how did you…"

"When she was leaving" Lexie interjected, "I was at the nurses' station when she called out to me. She told me about the adoption…about you taking Ash" she explained.

As soon as the words came out of her mouth Mark was reminded of their reality and that flickering hope just had a bucket of water dumped on top of it. He was reminded that he and Lexie were no longer a _them _or an _us_, there was only I because Mark was left standing to do this all on his own and _why _it had to be that way.

"So is that why you're here, Sloan told you about the adoption so know you're here to try and talk me out of it before I completely screw my grandson up that he's beyond repair?" Mark asked bitterly as the defences came back up.

Lexie sighed because she knew that she deserved every bit of hostility that he threw at her, "Mark…" she trailed helplessly.

"Don't" Mark hissed holding his hand up, "I don't want to hare anything you have to say".

"Would you please just listen to me?" Lexie pleaded helplessly, she knew that convincing Mark to listen was a long shot but she had to _try_ she told herself.

"Can we do this outside please?" she asked jerking her head towards the door.

Looking back and forth between his grandson and Lexie Mark sighed in defeat, he didn't want to fight with her but he knew that for Asher's sake he needed to finally put his relationship with Lexie to an end once and for all.

"Ok you wanted to talk so talk" Mark ordered with a glare as he stood there leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

Mark could see that the recent hurtful and bitter approach he took with Lexie was hurting her but he really couldn't bring himself to stop, because if he stopped then he'd start to care again and he couldn't let that happen…because if he did care then he'd forgive and Mark couldn't forgive her for what she did.

He wasn't stupid, he knew that she was still sleeping with Alex and Mark didn't know what hurt more, the fact that she wasn't ready to have a family with him or that she'd prefer Alex over him.

Standing in the middle of hallway Lexie had no idea where to begin, she didn't think that Mark would actually say yes to this. Pacing up and down the hallway she thought about what she wanted to say but all she had was a pile of jumbled thoughts.

Lexie knew that she wasn't ready to be a grandmother or a mother but she wasn't ready to lose Mark, she loved him and she needed to know that there was still a chance so her mouth decided to go with that question rather than consulting with her brain.

"Are we done?" Lexie blurted out, "I mean are we completely done…as in never again or is there still a chance for us?"

Shaking his head in disbelief Mark pushed himself off of the wall, "you brought me out here to ask that…to ask me if _we _have a chance at being us again?"

With a terrified look in her eyes Lexie quietly nodded her head and waited with bated breath for Mark's answer, but the look in his eyes told her everything she already knew.

"I don't have time for this" Mark exclaimed throwing his hands up in the air, "I have a grandson…a baby grandson who has no mother and no father, I'm all he has" he yelled pointing at himself. "He's lying in an incubator fighting to survive and you want to talk about _us_".

"Mark…" Lexie trailed as her eyes began to sting.

"I don't have time for this; I don't have time to play your little preschool games Dr. Grey" Mark spat out bitterly. "I need to focus on my grandson, I need to make sure that he knows he at least has _one _person in this world who loves him and who cares about him. I need to move on with my life…I need to be with someone who's mature and who's in the same place as I am in my life, my grandson needs someone he can count on and you're not that person".

"So that's it?" Lexie asked in a hoarse voice, it was getting harder to hold the tears back.

"Yeah that's it because it's what _you _wanted Lexie" Mark exclaimed as the anger of the whole situation came pouring out of him. "You changed me, you put me back together and made me believe that I could be happy…that I could have a family one day but when the time came you walked away, _you _decided that I wasn't worth the risk".

"Mark maybe we could..." Lexie hiccupped as she took a step closer towards him but stopped the second Mark took a step back. "Maybe we could talk about this…take a moment to really talk" she suggested hopefully.

Mark knew everything there was to know about Lexie Grey and right now he knew that it was taking everything inside of her not to break down and cry right then and there. He also knew that when Lexie made up her mind about something it very rarely changed, and the only way they were going to be Mark and Lexie again were if she was willing to change her mind about Asher and he knew that that wasn't going to happen.

"There's nothing to talk about, you decided that we were done and then jumped into bed with Karev the second I left town…"

"Are you ever going to stop punishing me for that because I don't think it's fair that I have to pay for sleeping with Alex when you did the same thing with Addison" Lexie argued.

"There was a difference" Mark answered back while trying to sshh Derek's voice in the back of his mind repeating their conversation from earlier this week.

"Yes there was" Lexie exclaimed, "I was _drunk _but you, you were sober as the day you were born and you slept with her _more than once_".

"See this is why we can't work" he interjected pointing at Lexie, "you're a kid…a preschooler and I need a _woman_" he teased callously. He didn't mean to say it but he did and now that it was out there it was too late to take back.

Lexie gasped and took a step back, despite everything that had happened Mark had never been that cruel to Lexie and now all she wanted to do was cry but she couldn't so instead Lexie decided to fight fire with fire.

"You mean someone like Dr. Altman" Lexie spat out with a disgusted look on her face.

Mark let out a deep sigh, he was exhausted and he didn't have the energy to fight with Lexie anymore. This whole Teddy thing had been blown way out of proportion and it was all because of the nurses. Arizona and Callie had tried to convince them that there was more to life then Lexie and Owen, and while Teddy was beginning to see that, Mark didn't. As far as he was concerned Teddy was just a good friend and nothing more, but when word got around otherwise Mark wasn't in any rush to correct it because he wanted Lexie to hurt as much as he did knowing that she shared her bed with Alex.

"You don't get an opinion on my love life…not when you're sleeping with a married man" he declared before turning to leave.

"Mark" Lexie cried out as a tear finally managed to slip past her defences, "are you ever going to stop hating me? Are you ever going to stop looking at me like I disgust you and that you regret ever being with me?" she asked helplessly.

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Lexie crying silent tears and it took everything in him not to go over there and hug her, to tell her how wrong she was because he could never regret being with her but he couldn't. The pain was too real and too raw, that night in his hotel room Mark thought that he had finally found his home…found his family in Lexie but she pushed him away and Mark couldn't forgive that.

He didn't trust himself to say anything that wouldn't hurt Lexie more than he already had, so instead Mark continued to walk through the door only to hear a loud sob in the back ground.

Standing beside the incubator Mark tried to push the thoughts of a heartbroken Lexie out of his mind and smiled lovingly at his grandson, "guess it's just you and me bud".

************

Six hours later Mark sat quietly in the hospital room watching Asher sleep as his mind went over the latest confrontation he'd had with Lexie. Mark kept trying to figure out how a conversation that started with so much hope spiralled out of control, but he had nothing.

Mark was so lost in his own thoughts that he hadn't even noticed Teddy walk into the room and sit down beside him on the couch, "here you look like you need this" she commented offering him a cup of coffee.

"Thanks" Mark murmured and took a sip of the much need caffeine.

"You look like crap" Teddy laughed with a playful smirk but she could see that Mark wasn't in the joking mood. "Are you ok, is Asher ok?" Teddy asked in concern that Mark's behaviour had something to do with the baby.

Shaking his head Mark smiled at Teddy sadly, wondering why Lexie couldn't be this concerned about his grandson as Teddy was.

"Had a run in with Lexie, and before you ask don't even bother because I really don't want to talk abut it" Mark explained bluntly. His friendship with Teddy had reached a point that he could be as blunt and as crass with her as he was with Derek and Callie and Teddy wouldn't even blink an eye.

Then suddenly Mark was reminded of the way his argument with Lexie had ended and he found his eyes wondering up and down as he examined Teddy Altman. Until this afternoon he had never considered Teddy in any other way than a friend, but he was stuck…he couldn't move past Lexie and maybe Teddy was just the person to do it.

She was closer to his age and she was mature…she was a _woman _as Mark put it, but he cringed just remembering the way he had said that to Lexie and the look on her face. Teddy was an amazing surgeon and a good, honest person…so wouldn't she be the kind of person he'd want his grandson to be around?

"How was the surgery?" he asked while in the back of his mind Mark was weighing up and the pros and cons to starting something with Teddy.

"The surgery went well and despite what Yang thinks she's only _beginning _to scratch the surface of her true potential" Teddy commented.

"How do you do that?" Mark asked in awe; "how do you act so civil to Yang when she's the one who gets to go home at night and share a bed with the man you love?"

Teddy shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know I guess it gets easier over time and besides having _you _makes it a lot easier" she teased with a flirtatious smile.

Teddy knew that she was treading on dangerous waters but over the last few months she was starting to see a side of Mark that was appealing. She understood that he was coming out of a bad brake up; and that after everything with Owen getting involved with another man in love with another Resident was stupid.

But Teddy liked Mark, he was funny, sweet, and passionate and caring…he was the type of guy any girl would be lucky to have.

Feeling the couch shift underneath him Mark could feel Teddy's thigh pressing up against his and it caught his breath. Mark thought that he knew where this relationship with Teddy stood but things change, all he had to do was think of Lexie to prove that point.

"Mark…" Teddy trailed as she reached out stroked his cheek, without thinking she pulled Mark closer towards her. Crashing her lips against his Teddy kissed Mark frantically.

Taken completely by surprise Mark's body moved on instinct and deepened the kiss, sweeping his tongue through her mouth with a hungry urge that he forget even existed. His mind kept screaming at him to stop, to think about Lexie but as he did all he could think about was how she was either at Joe's or at Meredith's house, doing things with Alex that only he should be doing to her and that only helped to spur Mark on.

Suddenly Mark hated himself because it felt wrong being here with Teddy like this, he felt like he was cheating on Lexie and that…that only made him angrier because she didn't seem to have the same problem with Alex.

When Mark pulled his lips gently from her she leaned in to reclaim then with a gentle smile on her lips but he titled his head back and made eye contact.

"I'm in love with Lexie" he whispered softly.

Looking away in embarrassment Teddy shook her head in disbelief; she couldn't believe that she had just thrown herself at another Attending who was in love with another _Resident_. "I uh, I should go" Teddy uttered and ran out of the room before Mark could say anything else.

It was useless to deny it and Mark knew it, he was still in love with Lexie despite everything that had been said and done. She was all he could think about and as he pictured his life down the track in a couple years there were really only two options.

He would either be raising his grandson on his own or he would be raising Asher with Lexie, there were no other options and Mark knew that the latter choice was out of his hands. The only person who had the power to make that happen was Lexie and she didn't want the same thing, so Mark resided himself to the fact that he'd be doing this alone.

************

_**Just wanted to give a big thank you to all of you that have taken the time to review this story and I hope that you all continue to enjoy it and please keep the reviews coming, I really appreciate the feedback.**_


	3. Lessons Learnt

**Lessons Learnt

* * *

**

"Mrs. Shepherd?" Mark called out uncertainly from the down hall with a cup of coffee in his hand.

"Mark" Carolyn answered with a happy smile.

Making his way back towards the NICU ward, and over to Carolyn who just so happen to be standing outside the doors, Mark shook his head with a happy smile. After the week he'd had Mark couldn't have been happier to see the woman whom he practically considered to be his own mother within an arms reach.

"What are you…" Mark trailed when it suddenly clicked, "Derek called you didn't he?" he stated accusingly.

It was far too coincidental that Carolyn shepherd showed up the same day Mark had his interview with the social worker, and the fact that Derek was interfering pissed him off.

"Now why do you always assume that Derek comes running to me when he can't handle a situation?" Carolyn questioned Mark with a teasing smile.

"Great so now I've become a _situation _that needs _handling_" Mark sighed sarcastically before taking a sip of his much needed coffee.

Carolyn shook her head, "oh stop being such a drama queen" she teased.

"Ah Mrs. Shepherd you always did know how to make a man feel loved" Mark hit back with a cunning smile; he loved their conversations because they were always filled with playful banter.

"So tell me about this grandson of yours?" she ordered as Mark slung his arm over her shoulders and guided Carolyn through the NICU doors.

"What you're not gonna take a pot shot at the grandpa?" he asked with a smirk.

"Oh Mark you know I'd never make fun of you…besides if I did that then there'd be nothing left for the girls to do" Carolyn noted with a cheeky grin.

Mark shook his head in disbelief, sometimes he wasn't sure if the woman standing next to him was close to sixty or sixteen. Giving her arm a tight squeeze Mark bent down and kissed Carolyn on the head, "thank you for coming" he whispered as they walked into Asher's room.

Carolyn awed at how utterly adorable little Asher Sloan was, he was the spitting image of his grandfather…or at least Carolyn was convinced, but he definitely had the Sloan nose she noted to herself with a light chuckle.

"Well there's no question about it, he definitely has your DNA" Carolyn declared with a proud smile.

Nodding his head earnestly Mark walked over to his grandson and gently held his tiny little hand while Asher was engrossed in stairing at the ceiling. After a week of vigilant care and attention from not only Mark but all the other nurses and doctors in the Paeds department Asher no longer needed to be incubated, he was healing pretty quickly.

"You look like you haven't slept in years" Carolyn observed with a worried look.

Mark shrugged his shoulders, "sleep's over rated" he answered back with a tired laugh.

As his eyes roamed up and down Asher's little body Mark felt his heart swell with love. He was amazed at how innocent Asher really was, how oblivious he was to the real world…something that Mark was very much aware of. Mark wanted to protect him from that, he wanted to spare Asher the pain of realising just how mean life can be but he couldn't…so instead all he can do is hold his grandson's hand and promise to always be there for him.

"So how are things really going?"

Rolling his eyes at his grandson Mark reluctantly looked up at Carolyn, "I thought Derek already told you everything" he asked accusingly.

"All Derek told me was that one day a pregnant 18 year old girl showed up on your doorstep claiming to be your daughter and now you have a grandson but no daughter and no girlfriend...and a meeting with the social worker" she answered with a sincere smile.

Mark was starting to get fed up with people constantly bringing up Lexie, it wasn't bad enough that his mind was torturing him but now apparently everyone else was in on it too. Everytime he turned a corner she was there, everytime he went to the cafeteria she was there, everytime he scrubbed in on a surgery she was up in the gallery and if he _didn't _see her then someone just had to mention her name…it was like being haunted by a ghost only the ghost was of his own mind's making.

It also didn't help that he was being plagued with unwanted thoughts about that kiss with Teddy, all he could do was think about it again and again and there was always a sentiment of guilt left behind. Mark hated feeling guilty…Mark Sloan did not do guilt. The only time Mark had ever felt guilt was the night Derek had walked in on him and Addison…and now kissing Teddy Altman had just been added to that very _short _list.

"I kissed another Teddy" he declared out of the blue. Mark needed someone to talk to; someone who would just listen and not judge him and Carolyn Shepherd had always known how to do that.

"Well that's not necessarily a bad thing" Carolyn pointed out hesitantly because she wasn't sure if that was the answer Mark was looking for.

Mark solemnly shook his head, "it _is _a bad thing. It's bad because the whole time I kept hearing this voice in the back of my head, which disturbingly enough sounded like Derek, yelling Lexie's name at me. It's not a good thing because I feel like I've cheated on her and there's a part of me that wants to tell her about it but then there's that other part that keeps reminding me I don't owe little Grey any kind of explanation" he argued.

Mark felt a wave of desire run through entire body at the sound of those words, he hadn't said the words little Grey in months and it felt so right…but so foreign at the same time.

"Is there really no chance at all that you two could work this out?" Carolyn appealed to him.

It had upset her greatly when Derek finally revealed that Mark and Lexie had broken up, Carolyn really liked Lexie. Even though she had only spoken to the girl for a few minutes, and even though she was fairly younger than Mark, Carolyn saw straight away that Lexie was good for him.

Running a hand through his hair Mark sighed in exhaustion and took a seat on the couch, why did everyone keep asking him about second chances and Lexie all in the one sentence.

It made him feel like they all thought Mark was the one holding out, like he was the one standing in the way of them being a family but it wasn't he reminded himself…the reason they weren't a family was because of _Lexie_, because _Lexie _didn't want his family.

"She doesn't want this" Mark whispered looking over at Asher lovingly, "she doesn't want my family. She wants surgeries…she wants to work ridiculous hours and do crazy things until she's finally extraordinary".

"Mark you can't just a throw a baby in her arms and expect Lexie to be oaky with it, you need to give her time to settle down to the idea of it" she argued pleadingly.

"Mrs. Shepherd I love you but I've already had this conversation with Derek and besides Lexie's made it pretty clear that time isn't going to change anything so can we please drop it" Mark implored the old woman with a sad smile.

"Well then tell me how your interview with the social worker went" Carolyn suggested.

"She hated me" Mark answered; "I'll be lucky if I'm allowed to see my grandson on weekends" he pouted.

Rolling her eyes at Mark's dramatics Carolyn shook her head, "now did _she _say that?"

"She didn't have to say anything; I could tell by the way she was looking at me…especially after she brought up my _childhood_" Mark recalled bitterly.

"So she asked about your parents" Carolyn sighed because she knew that Heather and Nicholas Sloan were a vulnerable subject to Mark.

Taking a sip of his stale coffee Mark nodded his head; he screwed up his nose at the taste of the black liquid and quickly tossed the cup away.

"What did you tell her?"

"I told her that I had the most amazing childhood…that every other kid was envious of me" Mark answered sarcastically.

Giving Mark her _no bull _attitude Carolyn crossed her arms and looked him straight in the eye. Mark hated that look, the woman didn't even need to say one word before your mouth betrayed you and spilt the beans on whatever it was that Carolyn Shepherd really wanted to know.

"I told her the truth…that I had a screwed up childhood with parents who wouldn't even know where to begin to love their own child…not that they'd ever want to" Mark confessed. "So now the social worker thinks that I want my grandson for the wrong reasons…"

"Again, _did she say that_?" Carolyn asked.

"No" Mark snapped in a whisper, he didn't want to scare Asher. "But she did say that she had some concerns…"

"Such as"

"Such as my emotional stability" Mark answered. "She's worried that because my childhood lacked emotional stability that I won't be able to provide the stability that Asher needs…and she also said that she had concerns about my job" he added casually like the initial statement he'd made was no big deal.

"Well that is preposterous" she exclaimed in an outcry of fury, while her instincts to protect one of her own was gently simmering on the surface.

Carolyn Shepherd accepted a lot of things in life, but the one thing she could _never _accept was somebody messing with her kids…you messed with one of her babies then you messed with her, and Addison found that out the hard way. "And what the hell does your job have to do with anything?" Carolyn asked as a lasting thought.

"She's worried that I won't be able to juggle being a single parent and the head of Plastics here at the hospital" he explained.

Waving her hand in the air Carolyn scoffed at the woman's insinuation, "please that woman doesn't know the first thing about you. And besides with all the help you'll have from your friends things will be fine" she reassured him.

"I hope so" Mark whispered as he stood by Asher's crib.

Seeing the heavy heart that Mark was carrying around Carolyn decided that it was time for action, after all it was the reason that Derek had called.

"Alright young man at 6pm I expect you to be at Meredith and Derek's house for a nice lovely dinner" she declared with a stern look.

"Mrs. Shepherd…" Mark trailed in a panic, ever since Lexie had moved back in he had stayed clear of that house…not to mention the fact that it brought back too many memories, too many _fond _memories.

"Mark I am not taking no for an answer" she warned him, "you look like you haven't had a decent home cooked meal in months and besides you need to step out of this hospital and breathe some fresh air".

Mark opened his mouth to argue but he could see that it was pointless, one way or another Carolyn Shepherd would get her way so what was the point in delaying the inevitable.

"6 o'clock it is then" Mark sighed; he really wasn't looking forward to this.

"Wonderful" she smiled happily at him, "now if you'll excuse me I have to go and hunt down my other son" she declared before kissing Mark on the cheek and leaving in search of Derek.

* * *

"Mrs. Davis" Lexie called out as she ran down the corridor towards the slightly older woman.

Stopping in the deserted corridor the older woman, who didn't look a day over 32, studied Lexie with a questioning look. "Actually it's Ms. Davis" she corrected Lexie.

"Right sorry _Ms. Davis_" Lexie repeated as she shook the woman's hand, "I don't mean to take up your time but I was wondering if I could talk to you about Dr. Sloan's application to adopt Ash…"

"Ms…"

"Grey…actually Dr. Grey" Lexie introduced herself.

"Well Dr. Grey I'm sorry but I'm really not allowed to discuss Dr. Sloan's application with you or with anyone else other than him" she apologised with a sincere smile, there was something about Lexie that reminded her a lot of herself.

"Well then maybe you could just listen" Lexie suggested with a pleading look in her eye. Her palms were sweaty and her heart was racing, Lexie couldn't believe that she was actually doing this but after everything that she had put Mark through this was the only way she could think of to try and help after overhearing Callie and Arizona discuss Mark's adoption application.

"Dr. Grey I really am sorry but…"

"He needs this" Lexie declared after deciding to just jump in and start this little speech she had been rehearsing for the last six hours, "and I know that I'm the last person he'd want defending him since I broke him…"

"You broke Dr. Sloan?" Ms. Davis asked disbelievingly but the smirk on her face made it clear that she was intrigued.

"Well yeah I mean I'm a one woman wrecking ball, first there was his penis, then his hand and then the rest of him because believe me…you haven't really broken a man until he offers you babies and you look him in the eye and say _hey it's been a blast but I'm really not interested in your babies_" Lexie rambled on sarcastically.

Her nerves were getting the best of her and when that happened Lexie's mouth usually got away from her and she said the first thing that popped into her head.

Giggling softly at the young woman's rambling she realised that this must be the woman that Mark had been referring to when Ms. Davis had asked about his last serious relationship. Mark had gone quiet and was reluctant to answer any of her questions, but he did make it clear that that woman didn't want anything to do with kids…or at least with his kids.

After hearing the older woman giggling Lexie stopped talking, it finally clicked what she had said and Lexie was mortified. "I have no filtering system…I need a filter but I don't have one because as you can see my mouth runs away from me when I'm nervous…please just tell me to shut up" she begged.

"Dr. Grey please shut up" Ms. Davis asked politely with a genuinely kind smile.

Lexie sighed in relief; "thank you now as I was saying…"

"Dr. Grey…"

"Please just let me say this and then I'll go and we can pretend like this conversation never happened because trust me Mark will chew me up and spit me out if he ever finds out about this" Lexie pleaded.

Running her hand through her hair Ms. Davis debated with herself because ethically and legally she wasn't supposed to let anything Lexie had to say sway her decision. But there was that desperate and helpless look in Lexie's eye that the social worker couldn't seem to ignore, her gut was telling her that if she didn't listen to what Lexie had to say then she'd be making a big mistake.

Looking down at her watch Ms. Davis sighed in defeat, "you have _five minute _go" she ordered.

"Mark didn't have what most kids do when they grow up; he wasn't one of those kids whose parents tucked him in at night and read him a bedtime story…instead he was the kid who used to turn all the lights in the house and watch television all night because he was home alone. And granted his adult life hasn't made up for what he lacked as a child but it doesn't mean that Mark won't know to love his own grandchild because he does….he _learnt _how to" Lexie declared.

"Despite everything Mark still learnt what it means to love somebody besides yourself, granted it took him longer to figure it out than it did for you or me, but he _learnt _how to. And somewhere along the line Mark became a father, he learnt that in order for your child to feel safe and to feel_ loved _then you need to sacrifice the things that _you _want. And that's exactly what Mark has been doing since Sloan got here…he has sacrificed everything he has, including our relationship, so that his daughter and grandchild know without a doubt that they have a home here. So I am begging you to please give him a chance, to let him give Ash the kind of childhood that he never got but only dreamed about…to know that none of this was not for nothing because Ash matters and Mark Sloan is a good man. He is a kind, warm, sweet and loving man who is more loyal then anyone I have ever me and I can promise you that you will _not _find any other adoptive parent that will love that little boy more than him" she announced absolutely.

"You mean besides yourself" Ms. Davis corrected her with a smile.

"Uh um sorry what" Lexie asked with a forced laugh.

Shaking her head Ms. Davis could see that Lexie hadn't worked it out for herself yet and she wasn't going to be the one to clue her in. "You're five minutes are up" she declared with a courteous smile before walking away.

After all the built up emotion melted away Lexie suddenly felt flat and empty, she had no idea whether her efforts to help Mark would actually make a difference and the social worker's comment left her feeling annoyed.

"Oh and Dr. Grey" Ms. Davis called out, "I've heard far less passionate pleas come from parents who are about to lose their own children" she declared after deciding to throw Lexie a bone.

Not knowing how to respond to that Lexie smiled awkwardly and made a beeline for the resident's locker room so she could change and get the hell home.

* * *

The day had turned out to be a nightmare and Lexie just wanted it to be over with but the second she stepped foot inside Meredith's kitchen Lexie looked up at the ceiling…somebody really hated her up there.

"Lexie" Carolyn called out with a bright smile and rose from her seat.

"Mrs. Shepherd" Lexie squealed with an excited smile and hugged the woman tightly, she missed having a mom around and Carolyn was just so mommy.

"Look at you you're all skin and bones" Carolyn appraised Lexie until her eyes caught on to the blonde hair, "what on earth did you do to your hair?"

"I coloured it" Lexie answered sheepishly while self-consciously tucking lose strands of hair behind her ears.

"Oh well it will grow out" Carolyn reassured her before guiding Lexie over to the empty seat beside Derek, the seat that also happened to be across from Mark.

"Now sit down and I'll fix you a plate"

"Oh no I…I'm really not that hungry Mrs. Shepherd" Lexie protested while desperately trying to ignore Mark.

"Sit" Carolyn ordered with a sterner voice and within seconds she had a plate lying in front of Lexie and four very uncomfortable surgeons sitting around the table.

"Now Lexie I know everything there is to know about Meredith but I don't know a thing about you so tell me about your family…any other siblings?" Carolyn asked.

Taking a large drink of Derek's wine Lexie nodded her head. "I…well _we_ have a sister named Molly, she's 23 and living on a military base in Bahrain with her husband Eric and their daughter Laura".

"My lord that is rather young to get married and start a family, your parents approved of that?" Carolyn questioned her.

"Mom" Derek called out, pleading for her to stop and just let Lexie leave because they could all see how uncomfortable her and Mark were sitting across from each other.

His palms were sweaty and his heart was racing but Mark tried desperately to act like she wasn't even there. But the longer she kept talking the angrier he got at their last conversation and the guiltier he felt over kissing Teddy.

"Molly was actually the one who proposed, Eric was being shipped out so she proposed and he said yes. Three weeks later they were married and I became the black sheep in the family" Lexie joked.

"Oh you don't mean that" Carolyn argued disbelievingly.

"Don't get me wrong I love my sister and my niece but mom and dad…well she kind of became the favourite. See whereas I went off to Harvard and got a medical degree my sister got married and had babies and…well I don't know what it is with you parents but it's like when that first grandchild is born, well that sibling…she's number one" Lexie teased.

"Oh that's not true" Carolyn protested.

"Yeah and that's why Abby walks on water" Derek scoffed with a smirk before taking a sip of wine.

Sending Derek a scowling look Carolyn looked back at Lexie, "well you're a good girl Lexie and I'm sure that when you get married and have a child of your own your father will look at you the same way he looks at Molly".

"Yeah but that's not for the next ten or fifteen years" Mark finally spoke up, "because that doesn't fit into her plan, isn't that right Lexie?"

"I um, I um…" Lexie stuttered. She felt the knife twist a little bit deeper if that was even possible at the cold stare that Mark gave her.

"But Karev, now Karev fits into your plan" he added before chugging down ever last drop of his wine.

"Mrs. Shepherd dinner smells fantastic but I really can't stay" Lexie apologised and quickly rose form her seat. "I um, I just remembered that I have a patient back at the hospital that I need to check on" she lied and quickly left the room.

"Lexie" Meredith called and ran after her, but not before giving Mark a scathing look.

Standing up from her seat Carolyn reached across and smacked Mark on the back of the head.

"Ow what was that for?" he cried.

"Honestly what is the matter with you?" she scolded him before chasing after Meredith and Lexie. "Lexie please don't go" she begged as Carolyn made her way over to the front door where Lexie was struggling to get her coat on. "Mark didn't mean to be rude…"

"Mrs. Shepherd really it's okay, I probably deserved it anyway" Lexie argued with a forced smile. She just wanted to get the hell out of there before she started crying again.

"Lexie…" Meredith tried but failed.

After struggling with her coat for nearly five minutes Lexie scrunched it up into a ball and threw it down on the ground, "I have to go so I'll see you later" she told Meredith before running out the door.

After closing the front door Meredith looked at Carolyn, "I know that for some reason you're awfully attached to Mark but I'm gonna kill him" she warned her mother-in-law with a serious face.

"Well there should be a baseball bat around here somewhere so why don't you hold him down and I'll take the first swing" Carolyn suggested with an equally serious look.

Cracking a smile Meredith wrapped an arm around Carolyn's shoulders and guided her back towards the kitchen, "I really like you".

"Good so that means by the end of my next visit you should _love _me" Carolyn teased as they walked into a silent kitchen.

Sitting across from each other Mark and Derek were eating in complete silence, only stoping to take a sip of their wine.

"Well we may as well finish eating" Carolyn suggested to Meredith and sat down at the table.

Picking up his glass of wine Derek held it up in the air with an angry look on his face. "To Mark Sloan, may he always be the jackass who refuses to heed the advice anyone has to give" he toasted sarcastically before downing his glass of wine while never taking his eye off of Mark's sombre face when he suddenly jumped in his seat.

"Did you just kick me?" he asked Meredith with a frown.

"No I did" Carolyn answered, sharing a smile with Meredith before turning her attention back to Mark with a worried look. All she had to do was look in his eyes and Carolyn could see the pain and emptiness that he was feeling inside.

"Just shut the hell up" Mark snapped at Derek and rose form his seat.

"Hey I warned you" Derek called out with his hands up in self-defence, "I told you that if you kept pushing her away she'd eventually stop pushing back but _you _wouldn't listen…how much rejection is she supposed to take before enough is enough?"

Shaking his head Mark ran towards the front door as fast as his legs could take him. "Lexie" he cried out as his sprint slowed down into a light jog when his feet hit the footpath.

Looking all over the front yard Mark sighed in defeat because she was gone. Running his hands through his hair Mark groaned in frustration, he just wouldn't listen to Derek, he kept pushing and pushing and finally she stoped pushing back and it hurt like hell.

He needed to get the hell out of here and the only thing he could think of was Asher, so without going back inside to say goodbye Mark quickly hoped in his car and went back to the hospital.

* * *

"Isn't it a bit late to still be working?" Mark asked with a sad smile when he crossed paths with Ms. Davis in the hallway.

"Well unfortunately trying to find a child a good home doesn't end as soon as the clock strikes five" she teased sadly.

"I guess not" Mark sighed and began to walk away when he heard his name being called out.

"I haven't processed the paperwork yet but you should know that I'll be recommending to Child Services that you be granted temporary custody for the next 6 months, and don't worry it's standard protocol before granting you full custody" she declared.

Too stunned for words Mark started to laugh uncontrollably and did the first thing he could think of and hugged her. "Thank you, thank you, thank you" he chanted appreciatively as he let go of her.

Smiling in understanding Ms. Davis nodded her head, "it's not me you have to thank, you should really be thanking Dr. Grey" she commented.

"Wait a minute…what?" Mark asked with a frown.

"She came to me this afternoon, and while professionally speaking I should have completely disregarded what Dr. Grey had said it was impossible to do that. She _really _wanted you to have this baby and she really believes that you can do this…she pointed out to me that while you might not of had the most perfect upbringing you've turned out pretty good, you've learnt how to love somebody other than yourself and that's what matters" Ms. Davis explained.

"She…she said all that?" Mark asked in a hoarse whisper.

"She said all that" Ms. Davis confirmed with a gentle smile before saying goodnight and leaving Mark alone with his thoughts.

Dragging his feet on the ground Mark made his way back to Asher but his sadness was quickly being replaced with anger and frustration. She was confusing him and it was driving Mark insane, one second she didn't want anything to do with him or Asher and the next she was begging Ms. Davis to give him his grandson.

So caught up in his own thoughts Mark didn't notice where he was going until he walked straight into someone else. The second he grabbed her arms to steady them both Mark knew who it was and he quickly let go because despite the layer of clothing Mark could still feel his skin burning just from her touch.

"I'm sorry Dr. Sloan" Lexie apologised coldly and side stepped him so she could walk away. It hurt doing that because Lexie knew that she wasn't just walking away from Mark, she was also walking away from their past and whatever future they might have had.

Mark's comment back at the house had hurt her and Lexie was tired of it, so in the time between Meredith's house and the hospital he decided to finally wash her hands of Mark Sloan and all the pain that came with loving him unconditionally.

"So what that's it, I've been reduced to nothing more than _Dr. Sloan_" Mark yelled out, saying his own name left a bitter after taste.

Stopping in her tracks Lexie turned around and walked back, "you wanted it this way _Dr. Sloan_".

"You are the most insufferable, infuriating and unpredictable woman in the world you get that right" Mark groaned in frustration.

Swallowing the knot in her throat Lexie looked away because she needed a minute to try and control her emotion, "goodnight Dr. Sloan".

"Dr. Grey" Mark called out to her retreating back.

Lexie could hear him calling out to her but she had no intentions of stopping, because if she did then they'd end up talking and if that happened Lexie knew she'd do something that she would live to regret.

"Little Grey" Mark called out again, only this time his voice sounded a lot closer to her and with an annoyed edged to it.

"Will you stop for five minutes" Mark exclaimed, quickly grabbing her by the arm and turning Lexie on her heel so that he could look her in the eyes.

"What do you want Dr. Sloan?" Lexie asked in frustration, trying to look like she was annoyed at him.

"Why did you do it?" he asked bluntly because Mark was tired of all the games and he needed answers, he needed honest to god answers.

"Excuse me?" Lexie asked with a blank look on her face, she wasn't giving anything away and Lexie knew how much that annoyed Mark.

"Don't do that, don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about" Mark ordered.

"I don't know…"

"The _social worker_" Mark exclaimed, "why the hell did you talk to the social worker for me…why would you want to help me?"

Shaking her head Lexie sighed in defeat, "because I over heard Callie and Arizona talking about their interviews with Ms. Davis…about how you were worried she was going to let your past influence her decision. So I thought that maybe if I talked to her I could make her see differently, make her see that you're a good guy…at least to everyone but me" she whispered while looking away from him.

"I…I just…agh" Mark groaned in frustration as he ran his hands through his hair. "You're giving me whiplash woman do you know that, everytime I think I know what you want you go and do the complete opposite".

"What does that mean?" Lexie asked with an offended look.

"It means that everytime I reside myself to the fact that you don't want this…that you don't want me or Asher you go and do something like this" he answered.

"If you're mad at me for saying something then I'm sorry" Lexie apologised, "if I've jeopardised your chances then I'll call Ms. Davis and tell her that I take it all back" she offered.

"You got me Asher, it's because of you that they've granted me temporary custody for the next 6 months" Mark answered back.

"Mark that's incredible" Lexie congratulated him with a genuine smile, she was bursting with joy for Mark and for Asher because they were both going to get the one thing they really needed…they were going to have a family.

"See there you go again" he groaned, pointing an accusing finger at her. "You're smiling at me like I just told you that _we _got Asher and it's doing my head in because everytime I think you don't want him I catch you smiling at him like he's the most important thing in the world to you or you're fighting government agencies for him".

"What do you want from me?" Lexie asked frustratingly.

"I want the truth damn it" Mark exclaimed throwing his hands up in the air.

"You want the truth, fine then the truth is that I think that I have a right to be a little bit messed up and a little bit slutty when the man I thought who loved me completely forgot that I even existed…"

"I _never _forgot that existed" Mark hissed with gritted teeth.

Lexie shook her head, "not at first…or at least not intentionally but you did. You made all these decisions about _our _life together without even asking me what I wanted…you didn't even stop to think about _me _period" she choked as the tears began to build.

Running a hand through her hair Lexie took a deep breath, "oaky so I freaked out and I got scared but who wouldn't…I'm 25 years old and the man I love was asking me to be a grandmother. So yeah I did something pretty stupid and I asked you to choose between me and Sloan, but if you had picked _me_ I never would have actually held you to it" she confessed as the unchecked tears came streaming down her face. "I asked you to choose because I needed to know that I still mattered, that _we _still mattered".

"So it was a test" Mark commented with a look of disbelief, how couldn't he of seen it at the time…was he really that focused on Sloan and the baby that he had completely forgotten about everyone else.

"It wasn't a test Mark, but if you had stopped to ask me what I wanted…if you had taken two seconds out of your time to remind me that I actually had a say in this then I would have come around. It might have taken me a few months to get there, but I would've come around to the idea of being a mom/grandmother or whatever it is Ash needed me to be, but you didn't" she declared hitting back.

"And I know that it sounds awful but I resented Sloan" she confessed sheepishly while trying to look at anything but Mark.

"Why" seemed to be the only word that Mark could get out, that was the last thing that he had been expecting Lexie to confess.

"Because you loved her" Lexie sighed, "you loved her straight away because of everything she was offering you. She was giving you the family that you always wanted and I was being pushed to the sidelines…"

"Lexie…"

"You made me feel like I was replaceable…like I was forgettable and Alex and George had already made an excellent job of showing me that. So I resented Sloan because no matter what she does you will _always _love her but me…you can walk away from me the second I make a mistake and you proved my point the night I told you about Alex" she cut him off.

"Lexie" Mark whispered hoarsely as he slowly reached out to take her hand but the second his skin brushed against her fingers Lexie yanked her arm away and took a step back.

"You know if all of this has taught me one thing it's that you can't make the people you love love you back" she noted with a sad smile. "And If I'm gonna raise a child with a man then I need to know that he loves _me_" she declared pressing the palm of her hand against chest.

"I kissed Teddy" Mark declared out of the blue, he didn't know why he had said it but he needed to say it.

Lexie shook her head solemnly, "you're never going to stop punishing me Mark and I have to tell you that the bruises are starting to hurt. But I guess that's not fair because you have your own share of bruises…some of them were even my own doing.

"I didn't tell you to hurt you Lexie" Mark stated with a pleading look for her to understand. "I'm telling you because I hated it, because I've been feeling guilty about it ever since and I hate feeling guilty. I felt like I cheated on you and there's a part of me that wanted to tell you straight away but then there's that other part that kept reminding me I don't owe you any kind of explanation".

"And you don't" Lexie agreed with him reluctantly, "you don't owe me anything. Just like I don't have to tell you that I ended things with Alex over a week ago but I'm going to. I'm going to tell you that I ended with Alex because I want more than a relationship that's based purely on sex and that I miss you" she whispered timidly.

Hearing Lexie say that she missed him made Mark lose all sense of logic, and without even thinking he threaded his hand through her hair and pulled Lexie towards him before claiming her mouth in a frantic kiss.

He deepened the kiss, sweeping his tongue across her lips, seeking entry. With a small sigh of pleasure her mouth parted and her tongue slid across his like silk. All the blood left his brain and he was lost. Lost to everything except the way she was moving against him, the soft sounds coming from the back of her throat and a need for her that Mark had never felt for anybody before. Just a simple stroke on the cheek made him feel alive, all the senses in his body snapping to life as the desire coursed through his body…that's how a kiss is supposed to feel Mark heard a voice in his head, that nagging voice that mirrored Derek's.

After finally pulling away from the lack of air Mark shook his head, "I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that" he whispered with a hoarse voice and walked away leaving a stunned Lexie standing alone in a deserted corridor of Seattle Grace Mercy West.

_

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Reviews are very much welcomes and very much appreciated._


	4. It's All Just Stick and Stones

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy or the characters of Grey's Anatomy. **

_**Okay so I managed to get access to the internet this morning and when I realised how long it's been since I updated one this I made the decision to get something down quick. I've been having major writer's block when it comes to this story so I'm not quite sure about this update but here's hoping.**_

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**It's All Just Stick and Stones**

_I'm confusing him ha! What about him…he kisses me like that and then just walks off; he's the one who's confusing _Lexie thought as she stood out on the sidewalk. She shivered at the cool, crisp air cutting into her skin, her blood ran cold but she didn't care. It was a welcome distraction to what she was feeling on the inside.

Lexie was tired of being labelled the monster, of being made out to be the bad guy because she slept with Alex…yeah she slept with him, she made a mistake but that doesn't mean she deserved to be miserable for the rest of her life. She loved Mark and she wanted a life with him, but she didn't have the energy.

She walked as fast as her feet would carry her, tears blurring her vision as she stepped out onto the road. Lexie heard footsteps running along behind her as someone screamed out for her to stop but she was too upset to recognise the voice, it didn't matter anyway because she didn't feel like talking.

As she walked onto the street Lexie noticed a glaring light out of the corner of her eye, she turned just in time to see a car swerving all over the road as it came racing down the street.

"Lexie move" she heard someone calling out to her when suddenly Lexie felt her entire body being pulled back onto the sidewalk. Loosing her balance she fell down onto the ground, her head hitting the pavement, with Owen on top of her just as they both heard a loud bang.

Their heads instinctively turned to the sound and saw that the car had smashed into a telephone pole. As Lexie watched for any sign that the driver was okay her breathing sped up, if it hadn't been for Owen the car would've hit her.

With his body still pressed against hers Owen looked down at Lexie, studying her face for any signs of physical injuries as a crowd began to emerge from Joe's.

"Move out of the way I'm a doctor" Teddy ordered pushing her way through the crowd. Running over to them she fell down on to her knees, "are you two okay?" she asked worriedly.

Nodding his head Owen kept watching Lexie who was watching the car, "go check on the driver" he ordered. "_Go_" he emphasised as he saw the reluctance in her eyes.

Nodding her head in understanding Teddy quickly ran over to the car just as the driver stumbled out on to the sidewalk. "Hey wat…wats goin' on?" he slurred, his breath reeked of gin.

Seeing that the guy could barely stand straight let alone put a sentence together Joe shook his head in disbelief, "I'll call the cops" he told Owen and made his way back into the bar.

Owen stood back up onto his feet, "are you okay" he asked with an uneasy look.

Nodding her head slowly Lexie took Owen's offered hand and tried to pull herself up, "ow, ow, ow" she yelped in pain as soon as she put some weight on her right foot.

Wrapping his arm around her waist for support Owen frowned, "What's wrong?" he asked anxiously.

Shifting her on to the other foot Lexie leaned into Owen's side and winced as she tried to step with her right foot again, "it's nothing" she lied.

Shaking his head disbelievingly Owen tightened his grip on her waist and looked over at Teddy, "are you gonna be okay with him because I need to get Dr. Grey back to the hospital" he called out.

"I'll be fine" Teddy answered, struggling with the drunk to try and get a look at the large cut on his forehead.

"That's really not necessary" Lexie protested in a panic, Seattle Grace was the last place on earth that she wanted to be right now.

"Alright fine" Owen answered, letting go of Lexie he decided to call her bluff and forced her to stand on both feet.

"Ow" Lexie winced under her breath as she put her weight back on to her right foot, not able to bare it she quickly began to fall to the ground.

Shaking his head unsurprisingly Owen secured his arm back around Lexie's waist before she could hit the floor again. "Now can I please take you to the hospital" he asked with a smug smile, slinging her arm around his neck for better support.

"Fine you win" Lexie grumbled as Owen helped her limp back across the street to the E.R., praying like hell that Mark wasn't on-call or better yet that he had left for the night.

"All right Lexie I need you to stay completely still" Owen ordered through the window.

Lexie felt like her head was spinning and it had nothing to do with her fall…it was entirely Mark Sloan related. She still couldn't get that kiss out of her head no matter how hard she tried, and the longer she thought about the kiss the more she remembered his comment about her being unpredictable and insufferable.

"You know paging Nelson wasn't even necessary" Lexie called out as the MRI machine began to hum with noises.

Shaking his head Owen smirked, "well since I'm your doctor I guess that's really my call to make and not yours".

"I'm not showing any signs of a concussion, disorientation or cognitive dysfunction" Lexie argued in frustration. She really, really, wanted to just go home and pretend like today had never happened, like Mark Sloan had never happened…or at least until she wasn't pissed off at the man any longer.

"You patient, me doctor" Owen answered bluntly, as the computer screen began to bring up Lexie's MRI results, and that seemed to be the end of the conversation.

They were both silent while Owen studied the scans for any head trauma but as he suspected there was nothing and he sighed in relief. "Okay we're done here" he declared before making his way back into the other room.

As she felt her body being pulled out of the MRI machine the first thing Lexie saw was Owen standing beside her with his hand out waiting to help her up.

Taking Owen's hand Lexie sighed in relief, "well…" she trailed with a knowing look on her face.

"Your MRI came back clear, there are no signs of an intracranial bleed or a clot so we'll get you back down to the ER and have those sutures put in while we wait for the x-rays Dr. Torres ordered" Owen directed her with an authoritative tone like she was his resident rather than his patient.

"See I told you so" Lexie chanted with a smug smile as she sat down on the wheelchair Owen had brought around.

"I'm covering all my bases" he argued, "because if I let you go home without being thorough and something happens to you Meredith and Sloan are gonna kick my ass" he teased hoping that it would cheer Lexie up.

Rolling her eyes Lexie scoffed disbelievingly, "Dr. Sloan could care less about what happens to me" she mumbled bitterly.

Smiling awkwardly at Lexie's comment Owen decided that he didn't know enough about the situation to have an opinion so it was best to let it go.

"Well how about we get your x-ray results and then I'll call Meredith to come and pick you up" Owen offered; he could tell that she exhausted both physically and mentally.

"Thank you" Lexie said softly as Owen began to wheel her back to the ER where they found Teddy still struggling with the drunk driver. "Do you ever feel like you can't escape" she asked suddenly. She didn't know why she was asking Owen of all people but there was something about him that reassured Lexie that he wouldn't try to downplay her emotions.

"What would I be trying to escape from exactly?" Owen asked hesitantly as he helped Lexie up onto the bed then closed the curtain behind them.

"Life" she answered bluntly shrugging her shoulders.

"Okay, how many beers did you have at Joe's" Owen tried to laugh her off but he knew that this wasn't the alcohol talking.

"This has nothing to do with how many beers I've had, and to answer your question I only had one" Lexie stated.

"Then what's it about?" he asked seriously.

Blinking back the tears Lexie sighed, "I just wanna run away…I just wanna pretend like the last few months have never happened but I can't, it's like everywhere I turn my mistakes are there taunting me and it's eating me up inside".

Owen began to feel uncomfortable because it wasn't long ago that he had felt the same way…he knew exactly how Lexie felt and the pain was still too raw for his liking. "I know exactly how you feel, I felt like that every day when I came back" he muttered under his breath loud enough for Lexie to hear.

Shaking her head Lexie groaned, she felt like an idiot. "Owen I'm so sorry, my problems are nothing compared to what you've gone through since coming home" she apologised profusely.

Owen waved his hand dismissively, "Lexie don't ever apologise for the way you feel. Just because I've been through a war doesn't mean that I've earned the right to feel more than others".

"Okay" she whispered softly in agreement, "you have any other wise words of wisdom" Lexie asked playfully.

"It might sound clichéd but really the only thing you can do is put one foot in front of the other and hope like hell that tomorrow when you wake up that feeling won't be there anymore" Owen advised her.

"Hope's always a good thing to have" Lexie laughed tiredly, oblivious of the fact that Mark had just walked into the ER.

"Dr. Altman you paged me" Mark questioned the cardio surgeon sceptically, ever since the kiss things had been awkward between the two of them.

"Yeah I've got a drunk driver who lost control of his car and slammed it into a telephone pole. I was wondering if you could take a look at his nose, he hit it against the steering wheel" Teddy explained.

Shaking his head in disbelief Mark reluctantly headed over to the patient, "sir I'm Dr. Sloan I just need to take a look at your nose for a second" he tried to explain but the patient was too inebriated to co-operate.

"At hap ta Grl" the man slurred as he swayed back and forth.

"What's he saying" Mark asked with a frown. He'd heard a lot of drunken talk in his thirty eight years but even this was indecipherable to him.

Looking back and forth between the drunk and Mark Teddy sighed, she wasn't sure if telling Mark was the right thing but if it was Owen that had nearly been run down she'd want to know about it.

"He's asking about the girl that he nearly hit with his car" she explained.

Looking back over at the man with a disgusted look on his face Mark shook his head, "he nearly killed someone" he grumbled as he caught sight of Callie walking into the ER.

The last thing he wanted to be doing was treating a patient who nearly killed an innocent woman but it was a good distraction from the Lexie situation. He was still kicking himself over that kiss, Mark knew that he shouldn't have done it but there was a part of him that didn't regret it.

Mark had almost forgotten what it was like to feel that much spark and desire to run through two people, he had almost forgotten what _she _felt like. He could still hear the subtle moan she had let out in the back of his head and it made him smile, to know that after the last few months he still had that kind of affect on Lexie did something to him.

He also couldn't stop smiling everytime he heard the words _I ended things with Alex_. Mark didn't know what that meant or if Lexie was trying to prove to him that she wanted in again…all he knew was that right now he couldn't trust it.

Mark couldn't trust Lexie's actions because he had a baby to think about, and he couldn't take the risk of letting Asher get close to her if she was eventually going to leave again.

"Mark its Lexie" Teddy declared just as he had stuck a nasal specular up the man's nose.

Mark's hand froze as he began to panic, he could feel his heart racing and his palms beginning to sweat. "What about Lexie" he asked trying to act casual; trying to convince Teddy and himself that he didn't really care what her reply was but he knew it was a lie.

"The girl…the _woman _that this man nearly ran over with his car was Lexie" Teddy explained as she braced herself for Mark's reaction.

"Ow, ow, ow" the patient yelped in pain as Mark unconsciously tightened his grip on the medical instrument, unintentionally pushing it further up his nose.

"Mark" she called out warningly and quickly reached out to pull his hand away before he did any serious damage to the man.

"Where is she?" he asked Teddy, his instincts telling him to find Lexie.

"Owen was taking her up to get an MRI…" she trailed; Teddy's words weren't really helping to reassure him that Lexie was fine.

As the fear began to grow even larger he ran through every conceivable medical condition he could think of that would require an MRI…all of which were worse case scenarios.

"Mark she's fine" Teddy tried to reassure him.

Running his hand through his hair Mark shook his head disbelievingly, "then why did Hunt order MRI scans if she's fine?"

"When Owen brought her into the ER he noticed a small bleed on the back of her skull…" Teddy trailed as she saw Mark beginning to panic. She wasn't doing a good job at explaining this. So she grabbed him by the shoulders and held him firmly in his place. "Mark Owen just wanted to be thorough so he asked Nelson to take a look at her; I promise you that she's fine".

Nodding his head Mark took a deep breath and tried to look at anything but Teddy, he felt embarrassed for overreacting the way he did, when he spotted Callie off to the side talking to Owen.

"Why's Torres still here?" he questioned Teddy with a frown.

"I think Owen asked her take a look at Lexie…" Teddy began to answer but her sentence began to fade as Mark stormed over to Callie and Owen. Pushing Owen out of the way Mark snatched the x-rays out of Callie's hand.

"Mark…"

"Shut up" he growled angrily as he held the scans up in the air so he could take a look at them. He went over the scans three times but Mark didn't even know what he was looking for and that only pissed him off even more.

"What the hell am I even looking for" he hissed so he wouldn't draw any attention to them.

"That's why Percy brought _me _the scans, you're Plastics and I'm Ortho" she joked but the look Mark gave her quickly wiped the smile off her face.

"Torres…" Mark called out warningly; if there was something wrong with Lexie then he wanted to know right now because then he needed to find her.

Giving Owen a look Callie shook her head in disbelief, for a man who claimed to be no over Lexie he sure was acting overprotective. When Owen had first paged Callie her instinct was to tell Mark but she wasn't sure that telling him Lexie nearly got run over was a good idea for the moment; he was still on such a high from this afternoon.

But then there was that small niggling doubt in the back of her head; that voice telling her he'd want to know because despite his insistence Callie knew that Mark still loved Lexie Grey.

"Well Percy might be severely lacking in tact when it comes to human interaction but he can at least read a set of scans correctly" she joked looking over her shoulder to see if Mark would at least crack a smile. But instead Mark was standing there in the middle of the room with his arms crossed, biting his thumbnail and tapping his foot anxiously as he waited for Callie to give him the news.

Owen would have found the whole thing comical if it wasn't for the terrified look on Mark's face. Lexie was dead set certain that he couldn't careless but a picture paints a thousand words and right now Owen could read the lines clearly.

"Mark the scans are fine, Lexie's fine…there aren't any signs which would indicate that she requires surgery" she tried to reassure him.

"What about her MRI?" Mark asked, finally acknowledging the fact that Owen was standing beside him with a look of disdain. He was pissed off at Owen because despite the past few months Owen should have paged him.

"Lexie's MRI scans came back clean, no signs of intracranial bleeding or clots" Owen reassured him with a comforting smile.

Sighing in relief Mark felt let his body relax, he felt like an idiot for overreacting. But worrying about Lexie's welfare came naturally to Mark despite how much he'd rather it didn't.

Eyeing Mark dubiously Callie got an idea, it was sneaky and underhanded but desperate times called for desperate measures and they _all _needed to see the Mark and Lexie drama come to an end. She knew that Mark would hate her for it but at the moment she really didn't care about what he wanted and tried to focus on what he _needed_.

"Well it's actually a good thing you're here because I need you to take this" Callie instructed taking the suturing kit out of Owen's hands and passing to Mark; "and suture the cut on Lexie's head".

With his hand tightening around the kit Mark glared at Callie icily, "Dr. Hunt seems to have it under control" he growled as he tried to pass the kit back to the Trauma surgeon but Callie intercepted the pass.

"Actually there's a trauma coming in and I need Owen on deck so I'm afraid you're the one whose gonna have to take care of Lexie" Callie argued.

"There's a trauma coming in?" Owen questioned her with a frown, completely oblivious to what Callie was up to.

Taking a deep breath to control her frustration Callie gave Owen a threatening look to play along. "Yeah a _bad one_" she emphasised the words while praying that she hadn't just jinxed some innocent person.

"Well get an intern to take care of Lexie" Mark argue anxiously as he shoved the suturing kit into Owen's hands, he really wasn't ready to face Lexie…he thought that he'd at least have a day or two before she forced him to confront the issue of that kiss.

Reaching out Callie quickly grabbed the kit back, "I thought you cared about Lexie" she questioned him before quickly shoving the kit back into his hands.

Taking a deep breath Mark glared at Callie, she was really starting to piss him off and after tonight he wasn't sure how much longer he could play nice. "Of course I care" Mark argued, "in a general caring about my fellow mankind kind of way" he added before handing the kit back to Callie.

Owen was starting to get dizzy going back and forth as they played musical kits. He really needed them to stop acting like five year olds and start acting like adults before he gave himself an injury.

"Okay that's it I've hand enough" Owen declared quickly snatching the kit from Callie, "she's my patient so I'll do the damn sutures".

Grinding her teeth together in frustration Callie took back the kit, "but you can't because like I said there's a trauma coming in and I need the _head of Trauma_ front and centre" she argued before turning her attention to Mark, "besides we all know how much Mark _hates _scars…"

"I hate scars on _faces_" he corrected her.

"You're a Plastic surgeon, you hate scars _anywhere _on the body" she corrected his correction. "So are you really willing to let an intern _**scar Lexie's body**_" she emphasised the word while as she waved the suture kit around tauntingly.

The thought of letting an intern anywhere near Lexie's beautiful head made Mark cringe, he really needed to get over his protectiveness he told himself. Sighing in defeat he snatched the suturing kit from Callie's hand with a glaring look, "go see to your trauma" he growled.

Smiling proudly at Mark Callie took a step forward and kissed him on the cheek, "I'm so proud of you" she whispered softly.

"Yeah, yeah go" Mark ordered waving his hand dismissively.

Giggling at Mark's reluctance Callie and Owen began to leave the ER for the ambulance bay when Mark called out to them, "what do I tell her about the ankle?"

"Oh tell Lexie that it's nothing and that she should be good to go by tomorrow" Callie instructed.

Mumbling under his breath about how he was going to make Callie pay for this Mark dragged his feet towards Lexie while his heart began to speed up, he wasn't ready for this.

Shaking her head at the way Mark was making his way over to Lexie Callie nudged Owen in the arm and signalled for him to follow her.

"So what's the trauma coming in?" Owen asked, still oblivious to what was going on.

Rolling her eyes Callie sighed in frustration; it was men like Owen Hunt and Mark Sloan that made her grateful for Arizona…the male species had to be the most oblivious thing on earth.

"There is no trauma is there" Owen finally managed to connect the dots.

Patting Owen on the back Callie smiled at him condescendingly, "good for you Hunt, proving to us women that there's still some hope for all you men".

* * *

Lexie didn't need to look at him to know that he was there; she could sense him even a mile away. She could hear the voice in her head screaming no, telling her that if she made a run for it now she could have Derek take a look at the cut when she got home but her body wouldn't listen. Her entire body seemed to be disconnected from her brain and refused to co-operate. While her head said go her body said stay, and Lexie hated the fact that she had no willpower where Mark Sloan was concerned.

"Uh Hunt was called away to an emergency so he asked me to do your sutures" Mark stumbled on his words awkwardly, holding out the suturing kit to show it to Lexie.

He could feel his stomach twisting up in knots as his eyes kept wondering towards her lips, it took everything inside of him not to follow his instincts…to not march straight over there and kiss her one more time.

"Sure" Lexie whispered softly in agreement, making a mental note to kill Owen for doing this to her.

Making his way over to the bed Mark stood beside her, being in arms reach of her only made his heart race faster. "Can you uh, can you bend your head down" he instructed her nervously.

Not trusting the sound of her own voice Lexie silently dropped her head down and concentrated on a piece of loose thread on the seam of her jeans.

Mark slowly reached out to brush her hair to the side but stopped…he was nervous. The idea of having his fingers touching her smooth skin sent a jolt through his body that Mark push aside but couldn't. Inches away from her neck he wriggled his fingers to try and shake off the nerves but Mark knew that it would take more than that.

_I'm over her, I don't need her in my life…I am __**NOT **__in love with her_ Mark kept chanting in his head while he moved her hair to the side, he tried to ignore the surge he felt when his knuckles gently brushed up against her neck.

Closing her eyes Lexie had to force herself not to smile, she had almost forgotten what his fingers felt like.

"Uh Callie wanted me to tell you that your x-rays came back clean, your foot should be fine by tomorrow" Mark told her as he began to suture the cut.

"Um thanks" she muttered softly because Lexie didn't know what else to say, if she started talking she knew that the conversation would lead to the kiss and Lexie wasn't ready to deal with that...she already had a headache.

Concentrating intensely on his stitches Mark tried to keep his mind occupied with other thoughts…thoughts that had nothing to do with Lexie but it was impossible to do that when he was close enough to hear her heart beat.

Not able to take the silence any longer Mark spat out the first thing that popped into his head, "for what its worth I'm glad that you didn't get hit". His hands froze as he mouthed the words again disbelievingly; he had no idea why he had said that but he felt like an idiot.

"I'm surprised you even care" Lexie scoffed without thinking, trying to ignore how mean she had just sounded.

"Of course I care" Mark argued, "in a general caring about my fellow mankind kind of way" he repeated idiotically.

"So does that rule apply to kissing…I mean did you kiss me in a general kissing a random scrub nurse kind of way?" she questioned him, her body flinching as she voluntarily brought up the topic of the kiss.

"Really…you really wanna do this _now_?" Mark asked sceptically as he finished the final suture.

"Well right now you seem to be sympathetic thanks to my near brush with death so I may as well take the opportunity because we both know that by tomorrow morning you'll be looking at me with daggers" she teased humourlessly.

Taking a step back Mark put down the instruments he had been holding and made his way around the bed, facing Lexie he took his gloves off and shook his head. "You can be such…"

"A child" Lexie offered bitterly "or maybe you meant preschooler?"

Shaking his head Mark sighed heavily. He didn't want to fight with her…he didn't want to be one of those ex-couples who couldn't even stand to be in the same room together.

"Can we just forget that this ever happened please?" he questioned Lexie with pleading eyes.

The lump in her throat made it hard for Lexie to speak. He wanted to forget about it…to forget about her and that hurt more than anything else. "I can't do this anymore" she choked out. "I can't keep waiting for my life to change…for things to change between _us_. I'm tired of feeling like the demon in all of this".

"What do you want from me?" he growled trying to cover up his concern with frustration. Mark could see that the light in her eyes was starting to fade away and he didn't know what to say or do to try and stop it.

Shaking her head Lexie sighed; "nothing Mark I don't want _anything _from you because this isn't your problem". Much to her annoyance Lexie could feel the tears beginning to stream down her cheeks.

"If you wanna forget about that kiss then go ahead, but I can't. I can't forget and I can't move on when I'm constantly around you" Lexie pointed out wiping her eyes. "But again, that's not your problem. You've moved on and I'm happy that you're happy. So now I need to find a way to be happy **without you **because you've made it abundantly clear that you want nothing to do with me anymore".

Mark didn't like where this was going, it was too close to a good bye speech for his liking and he needed to stop it…right now. "Lexie we work together…we work in the same hospital and my best friend and your sister are married so we're stuck with each other" he argued stumbling through his words. He cringed at the way that had just come out, the way he'd made it sound like he was 'stuck' with her.

Blinking back the tears Lexie nodded her head in agreement because he was right, no matter where she went he'd always be there…he'd always be a part of her life, or at least for now. Hopping down off the exam table she quickly gathered things, forcing herself through the searing pain in her ankle.

Being in the same room with him and knowing that he wanted to forget all about her hurt; it hurt a lot more than her stupid ankle. "I guess we'll just have to wait and see about that" said Lexie hobbling out of the ER as fast as she, making sure not to look back.

_

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_My access to the net is still limited but I was able to get this up today, I'd really love to hear some feedback or even just to know that someone's still reading this. _


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